I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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