On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
