I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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