oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
