Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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