I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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