he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
