I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
