my phone needs a breathalizer
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
