im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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