I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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