I wish I could punch you in the face.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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