Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
