does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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