would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
