he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
