when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
