She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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