I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
