with your own penis?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
