For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
