I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
