i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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