Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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