Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
