hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
