is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
