Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
