Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
should my penis look like a turkey
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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