Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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