peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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