This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I puked a lego.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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