I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
