he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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