everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
