I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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