Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
