Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
