he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
