R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
