if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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