That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
foreskin is a definite game changer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
