so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
