so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
