Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
