you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
