dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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