I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
