I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
