my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
