just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What a dumb baby whore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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