I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
