just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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