Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think my fart just growled at me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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