It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
