i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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