I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
