dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
