I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
