so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A bitchslap is in order.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
