I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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