I should be sponsored by Trojan
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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