She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
