Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
