my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
