ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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