4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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