i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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