Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
