If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
