I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
