you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
