its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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