It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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