Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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